Bling-bling.
(laughs) Bling-bling, baby.
Yo, what took you so long, ese?
Stuff isn't easy to find this time of night.
- What's up, 'Seel? - (screams)
That's some good shit.
Yeah... Now I can eat my Fruity Flakes.
(surf music playing)
I'll be right back.
(groaning)
(knocking)
Hey, Blue Crush, where you been?
Catching some waves.
I'm a total hard-core surfer chick.
At night? In the middle of Texas?
I told you... I'm hard-core.
What's that?
I'm writing my local congressman,
because I'm worried about the rapidly decaying future
of Social Security.
During a party? Why?
Because everyone's labeled me rebellious,
so I'm rebelling against the rebellious label
by being conscientious in rebellion.
Duh.
Michelle, I can't stop thinking about you.
That night when we kissed, and I...
bobbled your boobies...
I don't want to talk about it.
Why not?
Why won't you give me a chance?
- (gentle music playing) - Because if we went out,
you'd pick me up, we'd drive out to the lake,
have a little picnic, some wine,
we'd lay out on a blanket and ball.
And ball, ball, ball, ball, ball.
We'd do it over and over for hours and hours.
And I would ride you so hard
you wouldn't be able to walk for weeks.
We'd do it every day.
All the time.
Always trying new things
and different positions.
Then we'd get married,
move into a nice house and have kids.
Two vacations a year.
One on a beach, and one most likely in Europe,
with the occasional Africa or Asia.
Second home on a lake, early retirement.
Never tiring of each other's bodies
or lessening the frequency of sex.
Well, excuse me.
But that is not the type of life that I would want.
That sounded pretty good to me.
Especially the balling part.
Hmm.
You know what, Michelle?
I bet, under that tough exterior of yours,
under all that self-tanner and macrame bikini,
there's something very warm and soft.
And pink.
Probably smells a little bit, but not too much.
I am not going to let you sweet-talk me, Lance Truman.
Fine.
(muffled music plays)
(loud music plays)
(girls giggling)
I hope you are kidding me.
A study group.
Please tell me
this is some kind of a joke.
Calculus.
Shakespeare?
You all signed a contract. What are you trying to do?
Ruin your season before it even begins, huh?
No, Coach. We're simply trying to keep up our G.P.A.s.
Oh, is that what you call it?
Mm-hmm. You make me sick, all of you.
Now, I was hoping...
that you kids would have the gumption
to do this on your own.
But, apparently,
I'm gonna have to take you by the friggin' hand.
You won a football game!
Everybody knows that after you win a football game
you're supposed to consume alcohol at a dangerous rate!
Ah!
You should be popping ecstasy, man!
Oh, yeah, and huffin' some paint!
What's the color?
Good times. (sniffing)
Yeah.
Look at me now, man.
Yeah, I brought all these illegal drugs to the party...
in my fake Louis Vuitton bag that's chock-full
of pirated DVDs I got down in Chinatown.
Who cares, man?
I'm just having some fun, because I won a football game.
Yeah! I'm a huge drug-pushing drug guy.
Check me out.
(bong water gurgling)
Gotta have some more of that. (groaning)
That's the right spot. (trumpeting)
Now I'm crazy wasted with a bunch of minors
and I'm taking off all my clothes.
(whimpers)
Yeah, it's cool, man.
I'm a football player.
That's what we do! Ow!
It's the cops!
You'll never take me alive.
(yelling)
Freeze, tighty-whities!
- (electrical buzzing) - Ah! Right in my Reggie Bush!
(grunts)
(buzzer sounds, groaning)
Oh, come on. You have got to be kidding me.
You can do it! Come on! Get it! Get it!
- Get it! - (groaning)
Aw! I'm sorry, Clint.
I couldn't get it unstuck either.
Well, thanks for trying.
I should just ask for another one,
- but that piece goes so well with the room. - Mm-hmm.
It does coordinate nicely with those throw pillows.
- Wanna have sex again? - No, I'm good.
(lock buzzing)
- Who are you? - I'm the warden.
You can go free
if you beat me in hoops...
- one on one. - Hoops?
Me likey.
I feel I should warn you.
I was the leading scorer of the Jewish community center
Bitty-boy's Basketball League three years straight.
Well, I think I'm gonna spare you the humiliation
and just wait to be bailed out.
(chuckling)
(lock buzzing)
Psst!
Are you sure you don't want to cuddle?
NARRATOR: And so, Coach called the only man
he knew he could always count on.
The man who had been by his side through everything.
The only man he knew he could trust.
His partner, his rock, the wind beneath his wings-me.
Thanks for coming, Freddie.
How long before you can get me out?
I'm not going to be able to do that, Coach.
What? Why?
It was right about then that Coach Fields
realized something was afoot.
His old friend Freddie had betrayed him
and orchestrated a most nefarious scheme
- that would allow Freddie... - Why you talking like that?
Ooh, my bad.
But now you know, Coach.
The reason why I wanted you to be head coach of the Comebacks
is because I'm head coach
of the Lone Star State Unbeatables.
Coach of the number one team in the conference.
Yeah. Yeah.
And I want it to stay that way.
See, I knew the Comebacks had a shot this year.
And I also knew, if I could talk you back into coaching
they'd sink like a stone,
because that's what you do, Coach- you lose!
(crying): You bastard.
How could you?
Freddie decided it was time to go.
As for Coach, he had bigger things to worry about.
Why, just this morning,
he banged the wife of the guy sitting next to him.
Come on, Turbo. That's impossible.
I'm in here with you. I'll get you for this!
(laughs)
Send a message to the warden.
I'll take him up on his little offer.
Your interpersonal skills are horrible.
And you're a terrible gossip. Everybody knows that.
People talk about you. You cheat at checkers.
Oh, why resist it? Aah.
Oop da. Yeah, easy. That's right.
(rap music plays)
(soft rock music plays)
(grunts)
Make it, take it, be-yotch.
(rapid hip-hop scratch intro plays)
Yeah! Come on! Is that all you got?
I hope you weren't planning on leaving today.
(grunting)
(music continues)
(grunting)
FIELDS: Get that shit outta here.
It's called skills, junior.
And I guess I got some. Whoa.
(music continues)
(laughing)
Change of rules.
Even if you win, you're still gonna stay here.
(grunts aggressively)
What you looking at? I'm not getting it.
Fine.
- I'll get it. - (lock buzzing)
I got it.
Hurry up!
(tires squealing)
Shit.
(lock buzzing)
All right, gang, today we play the Friday Night Lights.
They're one of the best teams in the conference.
I'm not going to lie to you.
There's a lot of drama going on over there.
Just found out that Rick fell off the wagon.
He's drinking again.
And Lyla is cheating on Jason
with Tim, if you can believe that.
Smash can't control his temper,
and I just found out
that last night,
Billy and Tyra
had a pre-homecoming party
and it got broken up by the cops,
which means, for us...
automatic victory- they're not gonna make it!
(cheering, whooping)
Rock n' roll!
(whistle blows)
(rock song playing)
Blue, 22! Hike!
(baby crying)
(rock song continues)
- (yelling) - (rock song continues)
- (needle buzzing) - (rock song continues)
(cheering)
- Hey. - Hey, Coach.
- How's it going, Coach? - Good game, guys.
Thanks
(song fades)
(sighs)
Oh, for the love of the game.
(glass shattering)
(chain clinking)
(gears whirring)
NEWSCASTER: We all remember that touching story
of the autistic high school boy
who was finally given his chance to play.
This amazing story has inspired people
from all different walks of life.
Last night, at Cleveland General Hospital,
Dr. Edmund Grand allowed Billy, a longtime orderly,
a chance at his dream.
Touching story out of Cleveland.
Time of death- 8:05.
(door opens)
There you are.
Well...
(loudly sighs)
Tonight should be the greatest night of my life, Barb.
But those kids, they still just don't get it.
Who's that?
Who's who?
That guy in the bed with you.
Right there.
Oh... um...
I didn't think you'd mind.
We-We took in a foreign exchange student.
He's a foreign exchange student?
Uh-huh.
Where you from?
I'm from, uh...
Banging-Your-Wife-Istan.
Where is that?
It's, uh...
it's a little south of, uh, Doing-Barb's-Fine-Ass-Yvania.
All right, Coach, all right.
I... I just couldn't take it anymore.
You were never here, and I am a woman
- in her sexual prime. - Yeah.
Don't try to stop me, Coach.
I have finally found a man who gives me what I need.
There isn't a Doing-Barb's-
Fine-Ass-Yvania, is there?
Is there?
(whistling)
Big story developing out of Plainfolk, Texas.
Heartland State head coach Lambeau Fields
is taking an unusual stance against academic excellence.
He has locked his team out of practice all week,
and now the squad is in danger of forfeiting the upcoming
conference championship at the Toilet Bowl.
(groans)
You sure got to have some big clankers to come in here.
Go ahead. Do your worst.
My wife left me.
Aw, hell.
It's my fault. I forgot she was there.
Boys, if you find that perfect gal
that has all the little things,
and, yet, she's willing to enhance them surgically
into bigger things.
And she doesn't mind showing them to your friends
at a New Year's Eve party,
that's a gal.
- Yeah. - That's the gal.
Well, don't take it so hard, poon cheeks.
We've all walking in on a loved one
getting barn-doored by a half rack of bird doggers.
- Yeah. - Yeah, we sure have.
(sighs): Ow.
Hell, I remember when my Dorothy left me,
and I did everything I could to get her back.
And when I did, I made sure that she'd never leave me again.
How'd you do that?
I treated her like a queen-
Like an Egyptian queen.
Mummified and entombed her in the basement.
Her shrieks of help like music to my ears.
It's all about communication, fellas.
My Jeanie, she used to wag her finger in front of my face
and bug the bejesus out of me.
But, well, we sat down and when we discussed it
in a mature manner and-and-
and now sh-she'll never,
never wave this finger in front of me again.
(mumbling): Amen to that. Hey, you know what?
I'm gonna tell you something. It's about compromise.
Now take Salamander here.
Now we get up in each other's rifle racks now and again.
But then we make up and talk about it. We bangity-boo.
You know what I'm saying, Coach?
Solid advice, fellas.
You're good people.
- (chain rattling) - It's still locked.
(horn honking)
(Latin music on radio)
What's up, guys?
It's time to do something we should have done long ago.
Get in the back.
- (whooping, cheering) - Let's go.
- Let's do it! - (whooping)
I think we're gonna need a bigger truck.
I can't believe you, Dad.
Haven't you put the team through enough?
They did it to themselves, Michelle.
I finally found someone that I care about
and you're taking away his dreams.
Sweetie, Trotter only cares about himself.
I don't like Trotter anymore.
There's somebody else.
Someone kind and sensitive.
Someone who
loves to laugh and...
makes me feel wanted and alive.
Michelle, I'm your daddy.
I'm talking about Lance.
Oh... Oh, good.
He's a good boy. He has a future.
This could be the real thing.
I want what you and Mom have.
Herpes.
No!
True love.
Oh...
(sighs)
Well, if you find it, hold on to it tight.
Look at me. I blew it.
I promised your mother I wouldn't let this job
get in the way of our family, and I failed her.
It's not too late, Dad.
You can change all of this.
All you have to do is win the championship.
Can't I lose by just a little?
No, Dad. You have to win.
You've spent your whole life losing,
and this is your last, and actually first chance,
to prove everyone wrong.
I know you're scared.
But you have to remember,
there used to be a...
a big, big man inside of you.
There's a reason for that.
I was in prison, I didn't have a choice.
No, uh...
What I'm trying to say is that...
I believe in you, Dad.
Oh...
And Mom does, too.
Sweetie...
Thank you.
Well...
Then I better take care of business.
And when I'm done, we're gonna win that championship.
(rock music plays)
What the hell is going on here?
Hey, Coach.
Buddy Boy smashed a whole 12-pack over his forehead.
I Pod's doing body shots out of his belly button.
And Jorge, he's been dancing like this
for the past six hours.
And Jasminder, she made 300 bucks.
And I think that Randy lost his cherry
to Gwen Stefani over there.
And our signed contracts.
I have never been so proud of a team in my entire life.
ALL: Yes!
Who do you play for?
ALL: Comebacks!
Hello, everyone.
Al Michaels, along with John Madden, and welcome
to Odessa, Texas, home of the second annual Toilet Bowl.
MADDEN'S VOICE: And-And this is the place you really want to be, Al-
I mean, right in the middle of the Toilet Bowl.
I mean, there's no place in the world I'd rather be.
(cheering)
(ominous music plays)
What's this, Freddie?
Your players look like a bunch of thankless thugs and thieves.
That's because they are.
They're my gridiron gang.
So, you want to forfeit,
save yourself a lot of embarrassment and pain?
Why would I start now?
Lance!
Michelle.
I left something for you in your locker.
For good luck.
I know.
(whispers): I'm wearing it.
What?
The lace bra and the...
crotch-less panties.
No. I left you a note.
Oh.
A note saying that I'm sorry
for the way that I treated you.
That I was afraid of a real relationship.
That I'm not afraid anymore.
That I am dying to let you know how much I love you.
Nope, I never got that.
Oh. Okay, well, check.
Maybe it fell into the back of your locker or something.
Yeah, I'll... okay.
Lance.
Wait.
There's something else that I wanted to give you.
This.
(pop music plays)
(music fades)
Well, isn't that sweet?
Trotter...
We'll settle this on the field.
Woo! Michelle!
Got your letter, baby.
You and me after the game, mama.
(grunting rhythmically)
Woo! Yeah.
(groans)
John, the excitement is so thick
in this stadium, you could cut it with a knife.
MADDEN'S VOICE: A-A-And there's two things
that I love to cut with a knife.
One of'em is turkey, and the other one is excitement.
And if you're a Comebacks fan,
you got to hope they're not the turkeys.
MICHAELS' VOICE: But you have to believe
the Unbeatables will be the guys with the knives.
Take a look down there- it's unbelievable what's going on.!
(air horns blowing)
Believers coming through!
- That's right! Get up! - Get up!
- That's right. What's up? - Come on. What's up!
What's up, eighth row?
Uh-uh!
MICHAELS' VOICE: And the team captains
take the field, ready for the ceremonial coin toss.
Call it in the air.
And when I say "it," I do mean the coin.
- (exhales sharply) - Where is it?
- (exhales sharply) - Now where is it?
It's right here in your ear.
(kiss)
Call it in the air.
We'll receive.
(crowd cheering)
(loud rock music plays)
(crowd roars)
(loud grunt)
Yeah, baby! Yeah!
Okay, ready... hut!
MICHAELS' VOICE: Unbeatables back to pass.
He's wide open.!
The bomb.!
He could go
all the way...
to Mexico.!
(reggae music plays)
(players clap, shout)
Green-20!
- Hut! - (grunting)
Nah, you take that!
- You take that! - (grunting)
Ooh!
Like you took my girl!
Personal foul. Cock blocking.
Look, it's nothing personal, Trotter.
I'm in love with her, man.
Man, only thing you love is taking my girl from me.
JORGE: Man, would you guys shut up?
This game's bigger than the two of you.
Football taught me how to cope...
with anger, with life.
This team's all I got.
Without it, I have nothing.
Back on the skreets.
Dude,
your parents just bought you a house.
A condo. A junior one-bedroom.
Where am I supposed to park my Prius, dawg?
All right, all right.
Pro-right-94, on one. On one. Ready?
Break!
Hut!
How about a flag, ref?
My guy's getting mugged out there.
(whimpering): Don't take my Gold Card, man. Come on.
That's ridiculous. How much is he paying you?
A 1,000 dollars a call. Twice the going rate.
(exhales sharply) Where is it now?
Hut!
(grunting)
(gunshot)
(grunts)
Come on, ref! That's attempted homicide!
You gotta call that!
(groans)
What are you guys, blind?
(dog barks, whines)
MICHAELS' VOICE: Unbeatables up the middle
for an easy touchdown.!
They're running all over the Comebacks,
who are more than overmatched.
JIM ROME'S VOICE: Jim Rome here, and this is a ridiculous
half-time score:35 to nothing.!
BOTH (chanting weakly): We believe. We believe.
(long sigh)
We believe.
So, you ready to give up?
Almost.
MADDEN'S VOICE: Hey, hey, my favorite part of the game-
the half-time show.!
Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake couldn't make it,
so instead, we present you with this wholesome salute
to American values.
(piano plays brief intro)
¢Ü The weekend's here ¢Ü
¢Ü The weather's nice, two football teams are playin' ¢Ü
¢Ü I put your favorite beer on ice ¢Ü
¢Ü But the couch is where you're staying ¢Ü
¢Ü The game is on the plasma screen ¢Ü
¢Ü Got deep-fried snacks for munchin' ¢Ü
¢Ü Rootin' for the home team ¢Ü
¢Ü Oops, wardrobe malfunction ¢Ü
(rock music playing)
(music ends)
MADDEN'S VOICE: I mean, I mean,
it started out where she was wearing
a lot of clothes, then she wasn't wearing
a lot of clothes, and then boom, I got a chubby.
Take a knee.
Listen up.
I've been a loser all my life.
I came into this world ass-first.
I was raised as a girl till my walnuts dropped at age 13.
I didn't lose my virginity until I was 22.
That was by accident.
I didn't know
I was gonna have to pay for it- I thought it was a date.
I've destroyed everything I've ever touched,
chased away everyone who's ever loved me.
I am...
...a failure as a husband
and a father and a coach.
And a human being.
(Fields sobbing)
(quiet sobs)
Um... Coach?
Isn't this the part
where you turn your personal tragedies
and shortcomings
into a rousing, inspirational rally cry?
Huh?
Oh. That's a great idea.
You're a real asset to the team!
Well, thanks, Coach.
Does that mean I can play in the second half?
No, absolutely not.
All right.
I don't think I have to tell you all,
the scope of the second half is to...
aim high.
And I...
pledge... to all of you.
That you will be
showered...
by the cheers
and shouts of joy...
from your fans.
It depends...
...on you now.
Remember...
your preparation
H...
and you can all be...
- champs! - (shouting)
Yeah, champs!
All right, let's close our eyes and bow our heads.
(closes zipper)
Okay, you can open your eyes again.
- All right, let's go get 'em! - (shouting)
MICHAELS' VOICE: Second half just under way,
and despite the score, it seems the Comebacks
are even more fired up.!
MADDEN'S VOICE: And nobody wants this
more than Coach Fields.
That's the way! That's the way!
Hope you had a good rest, Oprah.
Actually, Coach gave a very inspirational spee...
Wait a minute, what'd you say?
Oprah. I'm saying you're as fat as Oprah, you fat ass!
(seething): Are you saying Oprah's fat?
Oprah's an incisive and charitable lady,
you miserable piece of shit!
(vicious growling)
MICHAELS' VOICE: The toss to Trotter...
(loud grunt)
Ooh.! And Truman lays a huge block.!
Go, go!
- (whistle blows) - Yeah!
That's the way!
(groans)
Truman scrambling.
Nowhere to go.!
Oh, look at that, Trotter takes out two Unbeatables.!
MADDEN'S VOICE: I mean, I mean,
looks like he's gonna score, Al.!
The Comebacks are finally starting to play like a team.!
Yes! Yes! Yes.
(grunts): Oh!
(grunting)
- Yeah! - Yeah!
Nice block.
Thanks.
Nice run.
Thanks.
(quiet music playing)
Hey, Lance.
Be good to her, man.
Be good to her, too.
(sighs)
Not all about winning, is it?
Hey, cameraman!
I hope you're watching, Barb.
MICHAELS' VOICE: John, it looks like Coach Fields
is holding up the sign, "I heart you."
Oh, he loves me.
Like chili fries and the smell of his own burps.
BOTH (chanting): He loves you, Barb. He loves you, Barb.
He loves you, Barb.
(crying) Why can't I have that?
It's so beautiful.
Aww.
Hey, Coach!
Suppose I can get in the game?
Hey, guys, look who's back.
- I'm a quick healer. - Hey, gang.
The cavalry's arrived.
And he goes by the name of-
ALL: Aseel Tare.
Okay, I got it. ACL Tear, get out there. Let's go.
Not you Randy. Not you.
Set!
Brown-88! Hike!
MICHAELS' VOICE: Aseel Tare with the carry.
Look at that.!
He's got the entire defense on his back.
The pile is clearing, John.
MADDEN'S VOICE: Yeah, yeah, it is. And take a look at that.
(chuckling) He got ripped into pieces.
Oh!
(Aseel groaning)
No worries! I'm a quick healer. Whoo!
Yeah!
MICHAELS' VOICE: John, what we're seeing here
is a definite shift in momentum.
MADDEN'S VOICE: I mean, we-we really are, Al.
I mean, y-you take a look at what's happening
a-and they were down by a lot
and now they're not down by as much
and-and pretty soon they could erase this deficit.
(chanting alone): Randy.
(others join in): Randy.
Randy! Randy!
(crowd joining in): Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy! Randy!
(chanting continues)
They're calling your name, son.
Get out there!
Randy! Randy!
(chanting continues)
Go! Go, Randy!
MICHAELS' VOICE: Would you look at this.!
Randy Randinger is making
his first appearance ever for the Comebacks.!
Randinger's wide open.!
(grunting)
(yells)
MICHAELS' VOICE: He scores.!
Unbelievable.!
(excited shouting, whooping)
- (music grinds to a stop) - (glass shatters)
Blue-ten!
Hut!
- (yells) - Ooh!
(groaning in pain)
Randinger with a block out of nowhere.!
You are not gonna believe this.!
The Comebacks score.!
(cheering)
(panting, whimpering)
How was it, son, everything you'd hoped it would be?
Hey, thought you might want this...
Get away! Get away! Get away!
Aah!
Blue-22! Blue-22!
Hut!
(loud grunt)
Yes!
He knows our playbook.
What? How is that possible?
Freddie knows all my secrets,
where I get all my plays.
What are we gonna do?
Someone else has to call the play,
someone Freddie wouldn't expect,
someone who thinks outside the Xbox.
I Pod!
I Pod. Hey, there, little buddy.
How would you like to call a play, huh,
help us win a championship?
What do you say?
What do I say?
Man, I been waiting all season for you to ask.
Dude, I have been humping legs,
carrying this...
stupid cord all over the damn place,
and now, fourth quarter of the last game,
you come and ask me for...
All right, all right! Just call the play, will ya?
Get out of my...
Watch yourself, watch yourself.
All right, everybody, come on.
974-wing bandit.
- Let's go get 'em! - Let's go get 'em! Let's go!
(electronic rock music plays)
I POD: Audible!
Let's switch it up!
LANCE: Shift!
KICKER: What the heck is that?
That... is the I Pod Shuffle.
(crowd cheering)
Hut!
MICHAELS' VOICE: Trotter... back to Truman...
...back to Trotter...
- (cheering) - Who scores.!
MADDEN'S VOICE: I mean, that was incredible.!
ROME'S VOICE: Phenomenal.!
MICHAELS' VOICE: Coach Wiseman has got to be feeling the heat
as the Comebacks only trail
by one touchdown.
It's fourth and goal.
With just seconds remaining, the fate of the Comebacks
lies in the hands of quarterback Lance Truman.
Ref! Time out!
(whistle blows)
I can't do it, Coach.
What's the problem?
What if I drop the ball?
And what if you don't?
- Damn! - (fans cheering)
Give me your hands.
Aw, geez!
Lance.
Yeah?
Do it for me.
Okay.
We can do this, guys.
Yeah!
(loud cheering, whooping)
Let's do this! Oh!
- Yeah, Lance! - Come on!
Set!
Hut!
(loud grunting)
Hold on to it, Lance.
(quiet burbling)
(grunts)
(grunting)
- (whistle blows) - Yeah!
(cheering, whooping)
(moaning, panting)
Get out there, Jiz!
Wait.
We're not playing for the tie.
I say we go for the win!
(shouts, cheers)
Get out there!
They're going for two?
Don't worry.
I got one more page in my playbook.
Set!
MICHAELS' VOICE: Looks like the Unbeatables coach,
Freddie Wiseman, has entered the game at middle linebacker.!
Time out, Comebacks.
John, something weird seems to be going on down on the field.
MADDEN'S VOICE: Yeah, it looks like Lambeau Fields
(laughs): Was suiting up- I think he's gonna go
for the two-point conversion himself.
BARB: Coach!
It's me, honey! I'm here!
(whooping loudly)
(dramatic, exciting music playing)
FIELDS: I'd give anything for one last shot.
FREDDIE: Because that's what you do, Coach, you lose.!
MICHELLE: I want what you and Mom have.
FIELDS: Herpes.
LANCE: Set! Green-20!
Green-20! Hike!
(Freddie roaring fiercely)
(grunting)
(whistle blows)
- (cheering) - Yeah!
MADDEN'S VOICE: The Comebacks did it.!
Coach Fields has finally done it.!
The Comebacks win!
MICHAELS: Do you believe in miracles?
MARVALBERT: Yes!
MADDEN: How long have you been waiting to say that?
ROME'S VOICE: The Comebacks have won.!
They beat the Unbeatables.!
Phenomenal.!
(cheering)
(whooping)
BOTH: We did it! We did it!
(cheering, shouting)
My shit goin' to Disney World, baby. Yeah!
- Dude, guess what! - What?
My parents just said we could use the beach house
in the Hamptons for the week to celebrate!
- No way! Oh, my God! - Yeah!
And I get a real tattoo!
(cheering continues)
I love you, Dad.
- (choked up): My boy! - Dad!
Coach! Coach!
(squealing)
(Barb screams)
(grunting)
I'm okay.
(gasps)
Barbara!
Coa...
- (loud thump) - Oh!
Barbara!
(grunting): Oh, God! Oh! Oh! Oh!
Barb!
(disgusted groan)
(yells)
Barb!
(fierce grunt)
Get out of my way!
Coach! Coach!
Oh! I'm so sorry.
I love you so much.
I love you, too.
- I'm a winner, Barb. - (laughs)
I'm hanging up my whistle for good.
I'm never gonna let sports come
before you and the kids ever again.
(swooning sigh)
MAN: Uh, Coach Fields?
Coach Fields, excuse me?
Name's Gabe Low.
I'm looking for a new head basketball coach
at Sequel University,
and I think you're just the man.
(chuckles): Well, mister,
I sure don't know anything about basketball...
(swooning sigh)
...but I'll take it! - Coach Fields!
Coach, how does it feel
to finally win a championship game?
Um... to be honest, it really hasn't hit me yet.
(laughing)
(groans): I thought it would feel better than this.
(groans loudly)
(drum riff plays)
(rock music plays)
(woman screams)
(angry grunts)
(grunts)
You guys are ripping me apart!
(music continues)
(blowing whistle)
- Let's do it! - (whooping)
I think we're gonna need a bigger truck.
(blabbering)
All right, huddle up!
ALL: Break!
FIELDS: Lend an ear, take a knee.
(loud slap)
FIELDS: Clock's running down.
The game is on the line.
No time outs left.
Not gonna go for the tie.
(shouts gibberish)
This time I'm gonna win.!
See an open door.!
Gonna walk right in.!
(music continues)
Nobody shed a tear for old Freddie.
At least, not after he...
"borrowed" $200,000 from the school's booster club,
moved his athletic ass on down to Mexico
and entered into a consensual polygamous relationship
(chuckles): With two fine-looking young ladies.
Adios, y'all.
(laughing)
- (Taser strikes, clicks) - Aw, Scruffy!
I think we nailed it!
(rock music playing)
(music fades)
Thank you! Good night!
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